Dear World:

I am paranoid.
Perhaps not to the degree of checking behind the blinds and asking my roommate for a secret password upon entry (well, other than the non-paranoid times I do that) but I am. It's a strange sort of internal paranoia that makes me feel like I am constantly being watched. I imagine an entire audience observing my every move and speculating. If I change one thing in any sort of routine I may have developed, they whisper snide remarks at me and to each other. It has always been this way, and it encompasses anything from brushing my teeth with my left hand and parting my hair differently to talking to someone new or taking up a new hobby. I think they are connected to people in real life. People who may or may not have any goddamned bearing on how I conduct my life now. Like a girl I was acquainted with from high school who barely knew my name. Or an old pastor's wife. Or the guy who lives next door to my ex. Or a million other people, real or not. At best, I have trouble doing the dishes when my roommate is in the room because in my head she is wondering why I hadn't done them already. At worst, I can't even finish projects for school because the random guy next to me in the library is criticizing it in my head.

So really, perhaps what I have is just a plain ol' run-of-the-mill case of social anxiety. Not so exciting, but just as sad.